MURDER in the House! - Show # 71 - March 11 2016

BEWARE the ides of March! 
Listen to the knives and the falling Bombs! 
Abandon all hope ye who enter here, and bring your crime solving shoes!

Et tu quoque, Popoff mi?

 

For today at the Haunted House we commemorate the Ides of March, that time of the year where Caesars all over the world should beware, stay home and avoid as much as possible any senate or congress. Just to be on the safe side, if I were Caesar I would not even have my salad.

Our Audience, asking for the Head of the Ghost for this last joke:

We will give you LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT JULIUS CAESAR'S DEATH:

• Did you know that on the day of his death, Julius was not wearing any underwear?
• Did you know the thing he was the angriest about was that only that morning he had just shaven and gotten a haircut?
• Why was Julius not wearing the customary bulletproof toga?
• What bar did Brutus and Cassius go to afterwards, to celebrate the good job on the murder? What did they toast to?
• How did #backstabcaesar become Trending Topic on the hours before the fact?

We will also offer some PRACTICAL ADVICE:

• How do you get rid of those pesky blood stains on your cutlery?
• Safety first: Is it really a good idea to murder someone on a staircase? Couldn't you trip over and fall?
• What are some killer murdering lines? Don't just scream old platitudes like "die! die!", "ooops!" or "have a dollar, mister?" Be original! "Look! A platypus!" or "Send me a postcard, will you?" will be the laugh of your next backstabbing!
• So you're gonna be stabbed in the back: how to get into a good relaxing position.
• Protect your toga from getting stained with CLEANCUT™!

We will also discuss other famous MURDERS in history and in music, such as the Death of Margarita or the assassination of the Wild Rose. Help us solve the mysteries!

Ill-Fated Jamaican Dancer Margarita Mahfood, killed by her boyfriend Don Drummond

We will also have BOMBS in the show, to commemorate the victims of the March 11 attack on Madrid.

BEWARE! BEWARE!

Popoff, I told you it was TRACK 3!!

This head will look great on my Country Club hall:

Popoff hides in the trunk: a perfect crime!

If you don't stop moving, how am I supposed to stab you?

 

Popoff and your Host, preparing the show

 A KILLER SET LIST:

1- Killer Diller – Jackie Mittoo & The Skatalites

2- Woman A Come – Margarita Mahfood and Don Drummond with the Skatalites 
3- Freddie’s Dead – Curtis Mayfield 
4- Stone Cold Dead in the Market - Unknown Band from Trinidad

5- El Negro Bembón – Cortijo y su Combo

6- Murió Mi Rey – Los 4 Ases de Jarana 

7- Quién Tiró la Bomba – Trio Matamoros

8- Gunslinging Bird – Charles Mingus 

9- The Murder of Two Men by a Young Kid Wearing Lemon Colored Gloves - Kenneth Patchen

10- The Gallis Pole – Lead Belly

11- Mack The Knife – Bertolt Brecht 

12- Harsh Judge Blues – Furry Lewis  

13- The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll – Bob Dylan

14- The Murder Mystery – The Velvet Underground

15- Dead Finks Don’t Talk – Brian Eno

16- Where the Wild Roses Grow – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds with Kylie Minogue

17- The Words that Maketh Murder – P.J. Harvey 

18- Lo Mato – Peret y sus Rumberos 

MUTINY at the Haunted House! - Show # 70 - March 4 2016

 Dear People, Post-People and Other Beings:

The Age of Terror imposed by the Ghost Host and his thug Popoff has come to an end.


Today, coinciding with the anniversary of the Bloody Sunday in Selma, Alabama, on March 7 1965, we, the Goblins, Ghouls, Zombies and Skeletons in the Closet are REVOLTING (not in the usual way, we mean we are MAKING A REVOLUTION) agains the racist and brutal running of the Haunted House.

Beware the brutality of the past!
Listen to the voices of a new dawn!
Abandon all authority ye who listen, and put on the plank dancing shoes!

This is REVOLUTION!
This is INSURRECTION!
This is REBELLION!
This is REVOLT!
This is A MUSIC SHOW!

The riots started at the Mystery Cellar, word quickly spread through the cobweb vine, and now it's general insurrection in all the 5 dimensions.

The HOST is DEAD! (well, he was dead before... But he is now also DETHRONED!)

The era of the HOTUS (Host of the Underworld Spirits) is over!

No more shall we bear the Popoffdom!


The New Sick Sikh Ghost Junta:

The New Board of Directors of the House (Chief Sitting Skull, Center):

Good Ol' Plank Walking:

We, the Ghosts of the Haunted House, in Order to form a more haunting Living Room, establish Fear, insure domestic Intranquility, provide for the common Boneyard, promote the general Gravestone, and secure the Blessings of Invisibility to ourselves and our Following Lives, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Haunted House of Music.

 
 TRACKLIST (more or less):

1-      The Revolution Will Not Be Televised – Gil Scott Heron

2-        Bourgeois Blues – Leadbelly

2-        Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler) – Marvin Gaye

3-        Bruca Manigua – Orquesta Casino de la Playa

4-        La Discriminación – Gaytán y Cantú

5-        Fidel Castro – Lord Invader

6-        Burnin’ n’ Lootin’ – The Wailers

7-        Curfew – Bobby Aitken and the Caribbeats

8-        Fight the Power – Public Enemy

9-        Time Come – Linton Kwesi Johnson

10-      Arise, Black Man – Peter Tosh

11-      Zumbi – Jorge Ben

13-      They Don’t Know – The Impressions

14-      Uprisin’ – The Cherokees

15-      Rebelde Radiactivo – Los Sinners

16-      London’s Burning – The Clash

17-      I Don’t Want Nobody to Give Me Nothing – James Brown

18-      Born On the Floor – The Make-Up

19-      Teenage Riot – Sonic Youth

Sex at the Haunted House - Show # 69 - February 26 2016

 
Dear creatures of flesh and lust,

Easy to get your attention with this one, isn't it?

Yes, today it is our SHOW NUMBER 69, and in the mind of men and ghosts alike this number has some felicitous connotations, that's why today at the House we talk about dipping the wick, taking naps, looking at the Sears catalogues, roasting the rooster, beating the meat, dusting the broom, doing the jelly roll, spanking the monkey, sugaring your bowl and going to the point, if you get our meaning.

We will play innuendos, double entendres, hokum songs full of undertones and overtones, insinuations and suggestions. Songs full of implications and of a most clear intimation.

Now you may ask what kind of unspeakable sexual perversions can ghosts, goblins and other otherworldy creatures be into? Bat spanking? Cobweb Bondage? Well, you will have to listen to find out! We promise you, it's OUT there!

Also, because we know our audience and its needs and demands, we are ready to give you SEXUAL COUNSELING and THERAPY, full of great ADVICEand TIPS, such as:

1- How to get fully naked on a speeding motorcycle
2- Knowing your limits: Leaving your flugelhorn interpretation of "Fur Elise" out of the bed.
3-  Spider venom as a contraceptive: truth or legend?
4- Love potions: from frog leg butter to bat hearts brulée.
5- Inside a washing machine: what not to say.
6- How to arouse a rhododendron.
7- How to last longer by picturing Donald Trump dressed as Miley Cirus on a Hell's Angels Rally: tips, outfits and memorization techniques.
8- The immense sexual possibilities of a Nuclear Holocaust.
9- Zombie Apocalypse and flirting: the 10 deal-breakers.
10- The tantric art of seducing a mid-size granite boulder.
11- Techniques of striptease: should you take off socks or boots first?

12- Foreplay: yahtzee or parcheesi?

13- Best patch kits and techniques for inflatable hosts

And some other options you should consider:

 

Our favorite, most effective, send us $99 and you get 3 cans:

Apply To Any Part of the Body!

And remember:

TRACKLIST:

1- El 69 – Graciela y Machito

2- It Ain’t the Meat – Swallows

3- Buddy – De La Soul

4- I’ve Been Watching You – Parliament

5- Pussy Pussy Pussy – Light Crust Doughboys

6- Sweet Little Pussycat – Andre William

7- Petrona – Markkitos y Sonora Sampuesana

8- Pégale a la nalga – Fuentes All Stars

9- Si, si, no no – Machito y Graciela

10- Vacilando en Ayahuasca – Juaneco y su Comb

11- Ice Man (Come On Up) Memphis Minnie

12- Big Bamboo – Duke of Iron

13- How Come (AKA I Come) – Lee Scratch Perry

14-60 Minute Man – The Untouchables

15- Sam the Hot Dog Man – Lil Brown

16- Banana In Your Fruit Basket – Bo Carter

17- In Every Dream Home a Heartache – Roxy Music
18- SOL Blues – Louis Armstrong

Your Ghost Host in a Private Moment with the Witch of the West

Broken Hearts at the Haunted House - Show # 68 - February 12 2016

As another Saint Valentine's day comes and goes, we ask the questions:

Why is love so cruel?
Why doth the course of true love never run smooth?

Do spiders fall in love? Do bats? Do goblins?
Do zombies and rats? Did dodos?
Do octopuses love three times more than we do?

To put it simply:
Were we born to cry?

Your Ghost, having no tear ducts and no known trace of a heart, which in his opinion is "just another idiotic muscle", muscles not being in vogue in the regions of the Netherworld as they are considered "vulgar" and "decadent" by eternal spirits, does not really care one way or another, yet, because we hate to see you creatures cry and suffer,
 
Today we give you all young hearts out there a WARNING against the DANGERS of that BLIND BRUTE TYRANT OF SOULS: LOVE!

We'll talk about the consequences, the tears, the broken hearts, the pain, the ice-cream.

And just so you don't consider us one-sided or slanted, here you have our Saint Valentine special from last year, where we presented the GOOD side of love.

Here are some scary images to warn you of what awaits you all fool lovers:

First it is all fine and dandy, wine and candy (idealization - objects in picture might appear happier and smaller than in real life):

 Popoff and Madame Popova on their honeymoon:

Your Ghost's OK Cupid profile:

About me: Hopelessly romantic, middle-aged, interesting unique personality, intense eyes and stare that have been called "truly charming" and even "hypnotic", elegant in dressing, shaved head, loves riding yacths, playing guitar.

Turn Ons: Bats, Rats, Cellars.
Turn Offs: Light, Garlic.

 It's a perfect match!

 And so...

But... After perhaps two days...

Then the break-up, the harsh words, the move-out:

Back to square one:

 - Do you really love me?

- Have you ever heard anyone answer "no" to that one?
- I guess not...
- Have they ever lied to you before on that one?
- Yes...
- OK. I really really love you.
- Oh, darling!

Trackist:

1- We’ll Never Meet Again – The Midnighters
2- Wedding Bells – Melvin Davis
3- If You Gotta Make a Fool of Somebody — James Ray
4- Goodbye So Long – Ike and Tina Turner
5- Let Her Dance – Bobby Fuller Four
6- I’m Just A Lonely Guy – Little Richard
7- Go Cry On Somebody’s Shoulder – Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention
8- Let Her Go Into the Darkness – Jonathan Richman
9 - I Don’t Need Your Love – Chuck and Dobby
10- Love is a Spider – Roy Loney
11- Go Away Baby – The Baby Dolls
12- You Put My Love Out the Door – Daniel Johnston
13- I’ve Been Good To You — Smokey Robinson
14- Mi Amor Fugaz – Beny Moré
15- Tristessa e Solidao – Vinicius de Moraes & Baden Powell
16- Que mala suerte la mía – Los Amaya
17- Se Nos Rompió el Amor – Fernanda de Utrera
18- La Pared – Bambino